This article from Sunday’s Washington post made me laugh, cringe, and reluctantly admire some of the ideas concert promoters are using to “put butts in seats” as the article so delicately puts it. Admittedly, some of the ideas verge on brilliant. Why, for example, has no one ever come up with idea of offering layaway for such high ticket events as Bonnaroo and Rothbury before now? No Doubt’s strategy of offering their entire catalog for download if you purchase one of the top tier-tickets is equally savvy. Considering anyone can download their entire catalog for free anyway (albeit illegally), why not offer that enticement and make some real money?

What I found laughable (besides the ridiculous headline…when have concert promoters ever been interested in ‘helping’ fans with anything besides emptying their wallets?) was the excuse that the bad economy is affecting concert ticket sales. Excuse me, but except for the top tier acts like Springsteen, U2, etc., sales for most large-scale concerts have been declining for years (the article even cites a figure that 40% of seats go unsold). It ain’t the money, people. It’s the utterly lame, canned experience that most stadium shows have become combined with the ridiculously exorbitant prices these self-indulgent promoters and acts think they’re entitled to command.

Which is why it made me snort Diet Coke up my nose when I read that Britney Spears expects people to pony up $500 for the privilege of sitting on couches *on* the stage to watch her perform on her upcoming tour. For $500, I’d expect a private show complete with a pole-dance and happy ending (oh, come on…we all know Brit isn’t gender picky…). I mean, everyone’s got their thing. If I had the cash, I might pay that much for the same privilege at the upcoming NIN/JA tour but honest to god? Britney? $500 would get me into anywhere between 25-50 shows by some damned fine indie bands.