It seems to me that the more loudly a person espouses a particular philosophy of life, the more pressure they’re going to be under to live up to their own credo. This applies not only to the treatment they *accept* from others, but to the treatment they *bestow* upon others. This is why I choose not to have a grand, sweeping, one size fits all philosophy. I try to take things as they come, judge them individually and react accordingly as the situation demands.

I also don’t believe in asking the universe or a higher power to manifest anything in my life. I prefer to ask the powers for guidance on how to manifest those things for myself. A fine distinction, I realize, but one that’s important to me because then if things go wrong I only have myself to blame. I have come to believe that it is only in looking inward, rather than casting outward, that true change can be manifested.

The threefold law, karma, etc. seem to me to involve some sort of expectation. “If I do this, I will get this…” I don’t believe that. I believe it’s incumbent upon each individual to act as their conscience directs and most importantly, accept, internalize and learn from the consequences of their actions. For me, that means striving to treat every individual with decency and respect, offering amends when I fail, speaking the truth both internally and to others, and most importantly, attempting to refrain from expecting the same behavior from others as my values may not be theirs.

Life is all about the journey. About the trying, the striving, the changing and the growing. I can be perfect when I’m dead.

That’s my two cents. As always, I respect that others may walk a path more suitable for them.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately on cliques. You’d think a person wouldn’t have to think about this beyond high school, but I suppose it’s the nature of people to form tight-knit groups. The thing is, what makes a clique different from a close group of friends? I think the answer boils down to inclusion and acceptance.

When I moved to the Midwest in 2006, it took me awhile to find friends. I had some bad experiences, failed attempts, and false starts but eventually ended up with a circle of close friends that I mesh with like nobody’s business. Oddly, many of the folks in this group have known one another for years, some since high school.

Despite that, they’ve warmly welcomed several new people, including me, into their circle. I’ve noticed that each new person is accepted as their unique and authentic self and valued for what they bring to the group. There’s not really a hierarchy or pecking order. (I realize this might be a rare thing, but it is certainly a beautiful one, and much appreciated by me.)

So what makes a clique different? I think cliques are all about exclusion. Or at the least, acceptance with strings attached. Uniqueness is not something that’s appreciated in a clique. To join, you must accept the identity and labels they impose upon you rather than be accepted as an individual.

Deviate from that strict, often unspoken, social contract, and you run the risk of being summarily kicked out of the group. This can happen directly by shunning or snubbing or by more insidious methods like gossip, backbiting and drama until the person just gets fed up and leaves.

In a clique, there’s a distinct sense of “group identity.” There are rules, spoken and unspoken, and generally a leader of some kind who wields the power of ultimate acceptance. There is often little room for partial participation. Either you’re in or you’re out. There is also often a sense of moral, physical or mental superiority; the group perceives they are better or more important than others.

But most importantly, there’s a social contract with a clique. To join, you must accept the identity and labels they impose upon you rather than be accepted for the uniqueness only you can bring. Whether that’s worth it probably depends on an individual’s personality. Not everyone is as anti-authority and libertarian as I am.

Part two of this essay will discuss the flip side. Are people wrongly accused of being a clique simply because of jealousy or insecurity? Are the rules of a clique necessarily wrong, or are they just a different social construct of friendship?