I understand that polyamory isn’t for everyone. In fact, I understand it isn’t for most people. I get that people are going to be uncomfortable with the way I live my life at times. I have no control over the attitudes and opinions that people form when they find out who and what I am. That said, I’m not going to put myself in the closet because it makes people uncomfortable.

Recently I had what I’ve come to know is an unfortunately common experience. Guy A finds out I’m poly. Guy A therefore assumes that any contact initiated by me is a come-on because you know…poly girls will do anyone. *snort* Guy A can’t handle this and acts like a doofus every time I’m around him. It’s gone from mildly amusing to making me seethe. I came very close to telling him off the other night and I thought maybe it would be instructive to do so here.

Dear You Know Who You Are:

You seem to lack a fundamental understanding of what it means to be polyamorous. Allow me to educate you. It does not mean that I will sleep with anyone possessing the proper equipment. That is called being a slut, which I am most certainly not. I liked you, made an offer intended to allow me to get to know you better and I was turned down. No big deal. Being polyamorous also doesn’t mean that I don’t have discernment. From your reaction to a one-time, simple overture, I quickly discovered that you could never be my type and I let it drop. So I don’t really see your continuing discomfort as my problem.

What has become my problem is that you won’t let this go. Move on, already. Accept the fact that I challenge your boundaries and leave it at that. But please, don’t act as though you are doing me a favor by speaking to me. I let the matter drop months ago and you continue to be challenged by a non-existent situation. You are not all that and a bag of chips as you seem to think. Unlike some of the women with whom you surround yourself, I’m not going to fawn all over you and tell you what you want to hear just so I can be in the glorious light of your presence. In short, you sir, need to grow the hell up.

Furthermore, if you’re going to make judgments about me based on gossip, misinformation and outright lies by people who are acting out of simple jealousy, you are not a person I care to know in any way. Polyamory is based wholly on honesty and open communication. Because of that, I have extremely limited patience with games and drama of the sort that you attempt to pull every time I see you. So once again, I am going to attempt what I’ve done the past few months and let this go. I really hope you can do the same, because it’s getting old.

Any questions? Feel free to ask.

With extreme annoyance, Leah.

So Mary Louise Parker just did a tasteful, if somewhat sexist, photo shoot for Esquire. The pictures are sweetly luscious (but Mary, wearing only an apron in the kitchen? Seriously?). What redeems this bit of fluff is a marvelous short essay she wrote, “A Thank-You Note to Men.” (As a web writing professor, I must note it’s a PITA to read, but worth it…). It’s below the photo shoot on the page linked above.

It will be interesting to see how many hits this post receives because as Julia Turner observed in Slate magazine’s Browbeat blog, no matter how highbrow Esquire might pretend to be, their “search optimization” tactics reveal the real truth. We’ll see if mine return the same results.